The DragN's Cave

Clown of the week: Chad ‘OchoCinco’ Johnson

If you have yet to hear about the abysmal week Chad has been having, you’re missing out. First, I need to vent about his idiotic name change.  This has bugged me from the second I first found out about it, and yes, I’m adding insult to injury.  Morons like Chad and the athlete formerly known as Ron Artest lose whatever tiny ounce of credibility they had when they change their name to something idiotic.  Whatever they’ve done in the past to make people believe their athletic talent is not the only thing keeping them from handing incorrect orders out a drive-thru window is erased when their old name is.

I mean, seriously? His name doesn’t even make sense. Your number was eighty five which would translate to ochenta y cinco, not ‘Ochocinco!’ Guess it just wouldn’t fit on the back of his jersey. But, that brings up another question - why are you translating your number to spanish and making it your name anyway?  Is there some hidden hispanic heritage in your family we didn’t know about? Did you have some life-affirming experience in Mexico that has left you forever changed and this is your homage? Or did you remember two words from the spanish class you slept through in eighth grade and decide this would be your bold artistic move to let people know how deep and interesting you are?  I’m guessing the truth lies closest to the last example.

Wow, it feels so good to finally get that off my chest!  And let’s face it, it needed to be said.

Now that we’ve established why Chad should be the Clown of the Week every week we can get into why he is particularly qualified this week.

Years of showboating and publicity stunts have been allowed only because Chad really does have a freak amount of talent.  The thing is…Chad’s not that young anymore.  He’s lost a step and has dropped from one of the NFL’s elite athletes to a mere mortal. This alone is expected as athletes age, and, if you’re adored by millions of people, teams will probably keep you well past your prime.  But, Chad wasn’t adored. In fact, Chad wasn’t even liked by a lot of people. This past Saturday the final straw was added to break the camel’s back as he was arrested on domestic violence charges for allegedly head-butting his wife. He was released Sunday, but his problems were far from over.  

Because of Chad’s history of being a distraction to the team this incident was reason enough for the Miami Dolphins to decide to let him go. Following the incident, a woman stepped forward claiming to be Chad’s mistress and even that the affair continued until just weeks before his wedding.  Whether she had already decided to leave him after the headbutt or not, news about the affair led Chad’s wife to file for divorce just 41 days after their wedding.  Of course, without her the show planned with VH1 about their marriage titled “Ev and Ocho” had to be canceled.

You probably couldn’t watch a ship sink faster even if you literally searched Youtube for “sinking ship.” One week he was an NFL athlete with a beautiful wife and a television show deal, and the next he was out of a job getting a divorce with a misdemeanor.  Chad this meltdown along with your career of immature antics allows me to gladly deem you Dragnsync’s Clown of the Week.  Well done, sir.

Daydream Rich: Bill ‘Freakin’ Murray

This week’s Daydream rich is going to be a bit different than the previous installments because…well, Bill Murray is a bit different.  Being able to afford anything means that buying material objects becomes mundane.  Choosing between the Lamborghini and the Mercedes or the caviar and the pate is arbitrary when price is not an issue.  But, Bill Murray has found a way to keep his life fun and exciting, despite the terrible handicap of being rich and famous.  He does what no other A-list celebrity would even consider, the unthinkable…he acts like a regular person!

The difference, however, is that he is rich and famous; so, when he he’s invited by strangers to karaoke, he actually shows up and belts out Elvis.  The internet is rife with Bill Murray urban legends, some true some far fetched, but here are a few of our favorite true stories.

The Karaoke Story
The story begins with a group of friends at a bar in NYC.  They spot Bill Murray walking into the bar with a woman, and, after the initial shock, they muster up the courage to invite him to their hotel room for drinks and then karaoke.  Astounded by their good fortune to run into Bill, the group heads back to their room thinking that would be the end of their story.  Fifteen minutes later a knock on the door and the Ghostbuster himself has materialized into their hotel room.  The rest of the night is a drunken blur a singing, yelling, and laughing.  A story this unbelievable can only be accepted if offered with proof.  Fortunately, pictures were taken to prove that the magical night did, indeed, happen.

The Rain Delay
What do most people do when a baseball game is rain delayed?  Hide under the stands until it stops.  What does Bill do? Hops the fence and runs the bases on the tarp and slides into home.  Oh, to be eccentric and famous enough to get away with it.  This video is from a Charleston RiverDogs (the Yankees’ Class A affiliate) game.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4t3dVd9Fhs&feature=player_embedded

The Bartending Story
At the SXSW music festival in Austin, Texas you’re liable to see many shocking sights.  But, bazaar doesn’t even begin to explain what it must have been like for the patrons at the Shangri-La bar when Bill rolled in with the Wu-Tang Clan and started serving drinks.  Apparently, Bill demanded to be the bartender, and then started serving everyone shots of tequila no matter what they ordered.  Here’s some amateur video of the event.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=fwwEGjGbxXM


Bill Murray’s ‘Autograph’
When approached to sign an autograph it’s not uncommon for a celebrity to deny it because they’re tired of meaninglessly scribbling their name for a fan.  Bill Murray is not an exception.  But, when other celebrities would just turn a fan away, Bill denies the autograph so that he can do something much more personal for them.  In this case when he denied a fan an autograph he chose to do a slow motion walk on camera with them instead. Here’s the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaRtH7D8oIM

The Party Crasher
There are many stories of Bill being invited by complete strangers to party and actually showing up no matter who did the inviting.  Bill has crashed house parties on more than one occasion and is always the life of the party when he does.

In one such story Bill is in Scotland when he is invited to a house party by 22-year-old Norwegian student Lykke Stavnef.  The college students amazed by his presence were also embarrassed by the amount of dirty dishes in the sink.  Being the casual guy he is Bill begins doing the dishes himself and is more than happy to accept his vodka in a coffee mug.

Stories like these, and many others, have allowed Bill to transcend celebrity and enter folklore.  While we all would fancy being rich and famous, most of us would agree that being a legend is much more exciting.  Bill might not even have the time to daydream because whenever he has an urge to do something he’s already begun to do it.  We can all daydream about the crazy things we would do if we were rich, or we could just go out and do them.  The world would be much happier if people followed their passions, and you know that whether he was a famous actor or a gas station clerk Bill ‘freakin’ murray would still act like Bill ‘freakin’ Murray.

Clown of the Week

“How embarrassing to be human.” -Kurt Vonnegut

Truer words might’ve never been spoken.  We are the only animal on this planet intelligent enough for creative, original thought, yet we are also the only animal insecure enough to feel embarrassment.  We’ve all had our share of awkward moments, but, fortunately, the majority of them are only witnessed by those in our immediate surroundings.  London Mayor Boris Johnson wasn’t so lucky.  

Known to be a bit eccentric, Boris took to the skies to promote the London Olympics with a daring ride down a zipline.  With a devil-may-care smile, he bravely leapt off the platform, proudly clinging only to two Union Jack flags.  Flying high over his countrymen, flags chopping in the wind, Boris was doing all that he could to bring glory to Queen and country.  

All was going as planned until he began to noticeably decelerate around the halfway point and eventually come to a crawling stop still 65 feet from the end of the line.  As Boris hung there awkwardly, flags gone limp, his smile was now an abashed look of bemusement as he stared down at the ever increasing crowd.  
It’s bad enough that this happened in front of a large crowd and that he is a public figure, but happening at the event with the most media coverage on the planet ensured that his moment of embarrassment would spread to all corners of the globe.  Although he didn’t quite stick the landing, Boris kept his composure and was able to make light of it with the crowd as he awaited rescue.“This is great fun but it needs to go faster,” he joked.  Less than ten minutes of dangling like an awkward diplomat-piñata, and he was tugged to safety by grounds workers.  Maybe not a performance worthy of a gold medal, but we felt that Boris at least deserved the consolation prize of being DragNSync’s Clown of the Week.  Cheers, mate!
 
Here is the video of Boris’ zipline mishap.

Equipping the Man Cave: 9 Epic Card Tables

Having the guys over for poker night? You might want to upgrade your card table. Here are some ideas:

Ok, guys, seriously this time: no splashing.

Here’s an opportunity to show off your chainsaw carving skills.

Any ACC fans?

Great use of iPads.

As always, know when you’ve been beat.

Add some Masculinity to your Home

There’s a lot of decor out there, but not all of it is designed with you in mind. Silk flowers, throw pillows and bed skirts will perhaps make your home more domestic, but aren’t helping out your masculinity. Balancing homey comforts with machismo is an art.

Which of these would you use to add virility to your home decor?

Yankee Man Candles

The Impossible Cool Print Collection

Alegna Wooden Bathtub

Conmoto Travelmate Portable Fireplace


We’re looking forward to reading your comments.

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